I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
