I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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