I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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