She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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