im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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