I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
