I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
