Whod you bang
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
