I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
