dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This can only be settled by a dance off.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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