I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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