on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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