I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
