Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
