oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You made out with two different species that night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize