No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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