I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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