dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
