I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
