Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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