Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
