I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm bleeding and have questions
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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