I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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