hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.