just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!