Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
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For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
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I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.