sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.