What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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