Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
