do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
