So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize