you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
