it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
