From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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