i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
