Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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