I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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