After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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