please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
