More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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