I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
