i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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