Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
