if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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