I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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