Sponge bath it is.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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