what day is it and did you see me today?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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