Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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