thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.