I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.