My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
