i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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