I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
