Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
