You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
