On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
