Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
