i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
ok first of all what the fuck
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
