Rock
Scissors
Fuck
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize