How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
