a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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