Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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