Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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