Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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