too bad you live with your parents still
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
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Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
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I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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