I am in a vortex of obligation.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
