you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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