so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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