Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
are you so shy because you have an std?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
