Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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