You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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