Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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