some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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