fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
