I just made out with a guy for $7.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
