i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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