I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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