I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
