help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
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Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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