I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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