Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize