We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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