I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
