Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
