pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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