Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
