I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
