Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
