Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Come see our sink grown plant.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
