im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
