They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
