Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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