I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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