it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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