I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
